It’s never easy. Ever.

balleteatro IIII have been painting my whole life, which is a lot of years. I consider myself to be an accomplished artist. But even after all this time at the easel, it never gets easier! I start off with an idea and I’m excited and optimistic and charged to go. Then, without fail, I reach “THAT POINT” that’s about midway and nothing seems to be working. One by one I have to start throwing things away…. parts of the painting that I really liked when I did them but further on in to the painting just don’t work with the whole. I have to let go. But before I do that I have to decide what I’m going to put in the lost part’s place. This is the hard part!!!

First I have to make myself let go. I have to convince myself that what’s important is the painting as a whole and not just precious little pieces of it. After I made my first brush stroke the painting took on a life of its own. I have to honor that. Then I start beating myself up for getting in to the mess I’m in. I suck. Who do I think I am thinking I can paint? What’s the point of it all? Everyone else is better than me. Yada yada yada. Mind you, when I say I go through this with every painting I do, I mean EVERY PAINTING I DO! It’s excruciating.

I try to walk away from it. I prop it up somewhere else in my studio and just live with it and try and figure out what to do next. I start other projects. But my heart isn’t in them. My heart is beating inside the mess I made for myself sitting over there on the chair.

Usually the solution involves taking a big breath, psychically closing my eyes and just going for it. This usually involves a big brush and covering something up or changing something that goes against my whole initial plan. I know. I know. It’s just a change of plans. ARGHGHGHGHGHGHG!!!!

So the next time you watch someone paint and you think it looks so easy, or that that person is blessed by god to be able to do what you think you can’t do, remember what I just wrote. The process tears out your heart at the same time you’re trying to give the new piece a chance to live. It’s hard. It’s never easy.

But I can’t stop myself.

To find out why I’m putting myself through this, please visit http://www.usaprojects.org/project/heartbeat.

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About monicalinvillefineart

I have been a working studio artist for over 30 years now. Self-taught, painting has been as much a part of my life as breathing. I learned by doing. Over 20 of those years have been spent on a little mountain in the Caribbean where my primary studio is located. I recently opened a second studio in Saratoga Springs, New York. I made the decision years ago that the best way to get people interested in coming to see my paintings was to simply be the best painter I could possibly be. Easel time. I put in a LOT of easel time. The gods have been good as I have been fortunate that in spite of my isolation from the art markets of the world, people still seek me out and find me. My work is now in collections around the world and students come to my mountain in search of instruction. My life has been good. I offer my world up to you as a refuge. I believe that is the purpose of my art.... it is a sanctuary for my soul while creating it and I would like it to be a sanctuary for yours while viewing it. I want to dance with you. I want to be part of your thoughts. I want to be part of your memory. Be delighted, please. Delight soothes the soul.
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One Response to It’s never easy. Ever.

  1. This painting looks very loose and free but on closer examination is very controlled and masterfully handled. Wonderful and stunning work.

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